Whoosh! Whoosh!
Standing there, nowhere to go
The sun just peeking over the the small, smooth, sand hill
Whoosh! Whoosh!
The sand flowing through the air
Hitting my face and sliding through my mouth
Whoosh! Whoosh!
Glancing to the horizon, all around me,
Look north, no end
Look east, no end
Look south, no end
Look west, no end
The end is right where I am standing
The idea of looking for something where you are is a great idea for a poem, but you may want to work on your word choice. The repetitive ending pattern near the end of the poem is a good use.
ReplyDeleteI am sort of confused by the whole idea of "no end", but then the poem finished with: "The end is right where I'm standing". Other than that this is a cool piece. I liked how you used a repetitive pattern and also repeated some of your words.
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ReplyDeleteYour idea at the end is fabulous. It makes the reader think of how you can see no end, so the end must be where you are standing. I love the repetative pattern you used and how you described the place first, then brought out the meaning. Because you have an image, you didn't need as much detail when you described the scene but I would've liked to more description. Great job Angela!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the vision your poem presents the reader. I also liked the repetition, and the sense of answer at the end of the poem, although it isn't really necessary to answer the questions you pose in a poem. Sometimes it's better to let the reader come to an independent conclusion. Also, if you use such short lines, you may want to put more cadence into the poem. Cadence is the established rhythm placed there by the stress on syllables in words.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome Angela! IT makes me feel like I am actually there.
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