The car is full of music
Everybody is having a good time
Looking out the window, something caught the corner of my eye
We stop the car, and walk out to the side of the road
A rock standing right before my eyes
A large rock, a colorful rock, a patriotic rock
Laying on the top was the American flag
Soldiers standing all around this rock
Reminding me of the soldiers that created America
I was standing in astonishment
My hand creeps over to touch the rock
As soon as I touch the flag
My hand feels this hard cold rock
This American flag is a painting
All day I could not stop thinking about his rock
(This rock is real)
Hi Angela, this is a really good poem! I can picture what you're describing in my head clearly. Maybe next time you could try to use a bit more vocabulary, but overall it was good.
ReplyDeleteAngela,
ReplyDeleteThis was a great piece, it inspired me. I like your descriptions, it made me feel like I was right there. Next time, try to be more subtle and let the reader think about it more. Otherewise it was great!
-Karen
Good job. I really didn't see the thing coming about it being a painting. You know, I almost wonder if you wanted to write a poem about it, and then write a piece of nonfiction to share the experience you had. I don't know. It just reads like a mix between nonfiction and poetry.
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you described everything. Also, posting a picture next to it helped me get a clearer image in my mind. Maybe next time you could space out the lines, so that different thoughts are separte. Nice work!
ReplyDelete