As I woke, I found myself in a dim, humid atmosphere. It's an atmosphere where the grass is covered in dew, an atmosphere where I see and hear animals surrounding me, and an atmosphere, where it seems like I fell into a gloomy room. I look around. The large, tall, trees never seem to move, but yet, are watching me. I realized that this place is a place of fear, a place of hopelessness, and a place of misery. I couldn't stay here no longer, I needed to get out. I turn a corner, and another corner, and another corner. Every step seemed to become one closer to pure darkness. It felt like I was running into a never ending pit. There is no way out. My heart was pounding like the speed a hummingbird flaps its wings, but wait. There is hope, there is joy, there is light! I ran as fast as I could to graps the light. I'm getting closer, and closer, and closer, I'm there!
I pierce through the plant leaves and stop in confusion. I look to the left, and I look to the right, cords, I look down, wood, and I look up, trees. As I push the cold, wet leaves out of my path, I find that the land ends, but the wood just keeps going on to the other side. I glance to the other side, where I see white cloth glowing. And a man waving-- like a police man does to direct car traffic-- telling me to cross the unstable wood. I couldn't understand. Who is this man? Why does He want me to cross a bridge that will lead me to my death? A voice came upon my hear. A voice spoke to me in a whisper telling me to cross, telling me to have faith in Him, a voice telling me to believe in Him. That voice convinced me. 1st step, so far so good. 2nd step, I think I can do this. 3rd step, looking down and losing faith. 4th step, a piece of wood, breaks making me stumble. I catch my balance. 5th step, walking boldy.
Finally, when I have one step left to take, I look up with a bright smile and His hand was reaching out. I took it. His hand felt like gold, His hand felt Holy, and that hand is Jesus' hand.
I finally made it across. I stood there in hapiness and relief. All of the sudden, a roar from behind the trees, frightened me and caused me to lose faith. The loose rock beneath my feet crumbles sending me down into the endless pit below me.
I woke up with my heart pouding out of my chest, and my forehead covered with little water drops. I look around and find myself in my bed. I look towards the window and the light is shining through, lighting up the room. The birds are chirping and every once in a while, I would hear cars driving by. I sigh in relief, and layed my head back onto my pillow, close my eyes and fall back to sleep.
I pierce through the plant leaves and stop in confusion. I look to the left, and I look to the right, cords, I look down, wood, and I look up, trees. As I push the cold, wet leaves out of my path, I find that the land ends, but the wood just keeps going on to the other side. I glance to the other side, where I see white cloth glowing. And a man waving-- like a police man does to direct car traffic-- telling me to cross the unstable wood. I couldn't understand. Who is this man? Why does He want me to cross a bridge that will lead me to my death? A voice came upon my hear. A voice spoke to me in a whisper telling me to cross, telling me to have faith in Him, a voice telling me to believe in Him. That voice convinced me. 1st step, so far so good. 2nd step, I think I can do this. 3rd step, looking down and losing faith. 4th step, a piece of wood, breaks making me stumble. I catch my balance. 5th step, walking boldy.
Finally, when I have one step left to take, I look up with a bright smile and His hand was reaching out. I took it. His hand felt like gold, His hand felt Holy, and that hand is Jesus' hand.
I finally made it across. I stood there in hapiness and relief. All of the sudden, a roar from behind the trees, frightened me and caused me to lose faith. The loose rock beneath my feet crumbles sending me down into the endless pit below me.
I woke up with my heart pouding out of my chest, and my forehead covered with little water drops. I look around and find myself in my bed. I look towards the window and the light is shining through, lighting up the room. The birds are chirping and every once in a while, I would hear cars driving by. I sigh in relief, and layed my head back onto my pillow, close my eyes and fall back to sleep.
This is a really good piece of writing. I really like how you say 1st step...2nd step...etc, because it creates a cool effect. The only thing I would change is that in the beginning, when you use a repetitive pattern to with "An atmosphere", you could change the periods to semi-colons.
ReplyDeleteWow Angela, this is an excellent piece! I really liked how you described the events to keep the reader engaged. Also I agree with Lian, the 1st step... 2nd step... etc thing creates a cool effect.
ReplyDeleteThis is really cool! I like this essay a lot. :)
ReplyDelete